Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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