actually, I'm a sock model
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
