They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
