Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
