I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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