I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have demons in me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
