What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
