I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
