i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
