her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
