You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
