i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish you could order shots online.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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