The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
