I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
