Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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