It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
