Buhtt sex?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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