I wish I could teleport
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
