yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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