I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
