i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
