dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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