the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
