don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
