you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
