It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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