How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
