it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
