do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
