just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am available for nakedness
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
