Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
