Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
