fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
