There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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