i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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