life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
