Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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