Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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