And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
