I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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