Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
