who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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