mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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