if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
