Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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