So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
