You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
