piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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