My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
