see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
