I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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