fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
