I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
