I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
