you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
