Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
