Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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