so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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