That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
