he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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