Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
