hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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