it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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