Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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