I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
